The GREENS have discovered that trees emit carbon and are busily trying to figure out how many trees need to be cut down in order to reach a full methane fart free, tree free, agriculture free, animal free, landfill free, grass free, human free environment wherein nothing is ALIVE. So a number of them donned their fake fur coats made from oil and chemicals to warm themselves due to excessive cold fronts from ice melts that have regrown ice, and have moved next to volcanoes to keep warm while they figure it all out.
But the volcano erupted on them emitting massive amounts of carbon and lava catching their synthetic coats and pants and shoes on fire enveloping them in flames and dispersing their remains back into the bowels of earth from which they were born in carbon.
Within the hollow earth, the Nephilim who survived the great flood and evolved into satanic lizard people resurrected the Greens and sent them back out to the earth’s surface where they infiltrated large enclaves of opioid addicts and convinced them that guns and death were just a video game. Arming these addicts, they exhaled blue blood from their nostrils in defiance to the idiom that we all have ‘red blood’ and are thus cinqo de mayo relatives. But the chicken eggs in the mayo protested and rioted and killed all the chickens to prove that eggs are not viable. So the chickens were slaughtered to protect them from being eaten by humans.
And The Greenies were happy.
The GREENS felt they had made great progress in transforming earth back to its roots of utopia and in good faith died a rancid death of starvation to show solidarity with their comrades – the Grass Blades and the peaches.
Soon, the lizard peoples began to crawl out of their Hell in earth and surface looking for food and water. But the Greens had destroyed the vast majority of viable vegetation so the Lizards, looking for sustenance, returned to their hollow earth dwellings and boiled the Greens. Adding a bit of spice preserved from the methane atmosphere, the Greens were delicious, albeit a bit bitter. Undeterred, the Lizards found a healthy peat of undiluted methane rotting on the soil and mixed it into the Green Brew.
It was perfect!
Soon All The Greens disappeared from earth while the Lizards took power and asked the Rhino’s if they were adverse to a bit of ‘mud play’. The odds were 2 trillion 300 billion 540 million to one. The betting commenced! The Rhino’s IQ of 12 was certainly a deficit gamut, but the Cartel Crocs were convinced they had cornered the odds. So the Lizards offered the Crocs a deal: if we win, we scavenge earth’s surface freely, and you must dwell for eternity inside the earth’s core.
The Crocs thought this a hilarious gamut and sweetened the deal: if we win, you become our slaves for life. The Rhino’s Agreed. Whereupon they ate the Crocs and deposited their remains in the landfills of methane.
Lo! Out of the Windamere Forest, a human emerged, his skin was ravaged in blood and his clothes shred into dust. He emerged and faced a RHINO – I have a brain – and you have plagued earth since it’s inception with slime and gore and ethereum. I challenge you to a duel!
The Paul Ryan Rhino laughed and produced his Green Card. You see this!? This card guarantees me that I will win! You are nothing, your God and earth are nothing! I eclipse you and will shred your existence from this planet once and for all! Ryan unshackled his sword and fumbled with it afraid it might prick him.
Unperturbed, the Human smiled – GOD created methane. GOD created Cows. GOD created earth. YOU, sir Rhino, created a Black Hole thru which Erik Hawking has provided a list of recipients who will be extincted. I give you The List. You are now given a choice – you may save yourself and condemn everyone on this list – or you will be sentenced and perish in the Lake of Fire. What say you?
The List was engulfed in FLAMES! As were every name.