Growing up in Germany, my father was stationed there as head of Defense Intelligence for Europe, and my brother’s and I necessarily tagged along.  We lived in East Berlin before the wall, Nurnberg and Heidelberg.   Most often we lived off-base in crumbling mansions rented to the Army.  Underground tunnels, fake libraries, bombed stairways that led to nowhere, the houses had stories to tell.   In Nurnberg, our cellar was a vault, thick, solid steel, and a wheel to open into what was once filled with Hitler’s hidden treasures, casualties of war.  Frau Bette showed me the vault and told me the stories that are embedded in my heart today.

In our house in Nurnberg, the bannister was a roller coaster downing two stories, much to my delight!  The grandfather clock in the dining room that seated twenty was large enough for me to hide in when I didn’t want to go to school.   There was an old fashioned tiled wood burning stove that stood perhaps twelve feet high in the vast living room.  I would climb it like a mountain and lay atop hidden from view – spying…

Traveling throughout Europe, sometimes by private train in the middle of the night, escorted by security, we would run to our private car flanked by guns.   Other times we traveled by car, to enchanted old world cities throughout Italy, Holland, Austria, Luxembourg and of course, the small cobble towns with which Germany was replete.

It was a time of spooks and spook parties.  My father enjoyed the game and took to wearing a floor length black cape with his fedora and riding crop in tow.

It was a lovely time, privileged in many ways, ordinary in others, but it formed a different me, that wasn’t like others.

My father taught me three core values:  integrity, honor and respect.

There are few people that understand what these words truly mean.  There are fewer that can put them into action.  And there are fewer still who wear them in their heart.  It is those who wear them in their heart that do not understand the value of ‘selfishness’.  The dichotomy of distinction is quite vast.  One can not coexist with the other.  And it is my belief that ultimately the selfish desire, the cave of a hole in one’s heart, can never know what it is to truly love.

Not the ordinary love that one reads in silly magazines, or the love that the churches preach, it is a love for another human being that is so strong you pull away lest you burn alive.

And so, I am a different soul, born within something my father gave to me, a heart that can never die no matter the beatings.

Stationed back to the States as a teenager, none of us really wanted to leave, but we, necessarily, tagged along.   The Pentagon was my father’s destination, Virginia was ours and I found myself in somewhat of a culture shock.

Despite my mother’s more surly choice, my father sent me to Paris at the age of 16 to study the arts and become more refined and cultured.  Dance took ahold, and I quickly found my first ‘gift’.

By 21, if I was going to pursue dance fully, New York was the only option.  I declined.  So my father sent me to college where I graduated with a degree in Finance and Accounting.  My first major tectonic shift.   A world outside of Art.

Many tragedies, much joy, more drama than I care to remember, I ended up living on a Passport 40′ sailboat in Sausalito with my husband.  My father had taught me to sail as a teenager, my husband was a novice.  But we were determined souls and sailed daily in the Bay, up the Delta, and ultimately to the Channel Islands.   Naked on a deserted island bathing beneath a waterfall we were greeted by a swarm of wild boar…  On another occasion we were nearly taken out by a barge filled with the dredge from beneath the Bay.   And still on another sail a submarine rose from it’s depths just 30-50 feet from our position!  Quite amazing!

Many stories abound of those sailing years, near catastrophes, much comedy, and much Life!

Many moons passed, I lost a husband and was raising my three sons when I perchance was introduced to a sculptor.  With much pleading, he agreed to be my mentor and train me.  Four days a week, and one year later, he set me free.

I had once again found a gift, a passion.  It was an enormous joy!

Immersed, I sculpted. I created. Prolific and dedicated, my talent shined!  And I was happy for a time.  But life interjected with my second husband’s infidelities, the dark web, disease, lies and theft.  The storms were violent in their thrashing.

Still, with time, I remembered what my father had taught me, the values that would hold me together, and the unending hope and belief that one day I will be loved as I know it is meant to be, where the legacy of a life is not in simplistic selfishness, but in the meaning of why we are here.   Perhaps I am a female version of Don Quixote, a free spirit, a bit off, a bit different.

What I know is the world we are witness to today is not a Cinderella fit for me – and selfishness can never coexist with pure love.

Grace~  Helena

22 thoughts on “About

  1. Just came accross your site, very interesting from a UK person. You may be interested in the site run by John Ward – The Slog. A 69 year old man who lives in France and has a lot on insight in what is going on and how things are presented.

  2. Just discovered your blog yesterday and got sucked in for hours… loved it. Thank you!

    I was searching for a publication that had broken down the photo-shopping of Khashoggi & purported fiancee Hadice. Did not find what I was looking for, but came across your blog, with it’s elegant format and intriguing copy.

    I can relate to trials… lost health, house, car, parents, inheritance, and recently–my job (thanks Bias Response Team!)
    Trying to buck up and move on… sounds like you’re there too. God be with you, sister…

  3. Hello Helena,
    I came across your blog whilst researching the immigration crisis in Germany. I read the article that mentioned–among other things–the axe wielding person in Dusseldorf. Unfortunately, you mentioned incidents without providing a link to substantiate their occurences. That is not such a big deal, however, as I can probably find a source by searching a corresponding descriptive term. Your article provides several new perspectives to the immigration/integration situation in Germany, thank you for that.

    • Thank you Michael. Bloggers rarely include citations with their blogs, it is not a university research paper, it is a blog. That being said, I maintain links to all my sources when writing each and every blog and save those within my private computer. I try to be very thorough and very careful in that regard.

  4. Bonjour Helena,
    Puisque vous avez vécu en France, vous devez maîtriser la langue de Molière.
    Le hasard m’a amené vers votre blog et celui-ci m’a enchanté.
    Je suis Parisien – né dans l’Isle de la Cité, près de Notre-Dame, je travaille et je vis dans celle qui fût la Lumière du monde – et aujourd’hui la situation politique de mon pays m’attriste énormément.
    Quinquagénaire, j’envisage sérieusement de finir ma vie aux USA, seul refuge désormais pour l’Esprit de L’Occident et ses racines grecques, romaines et chrétiennes.
    Bien à vous.

    • Oui, j’aime bien la comédie, soulève mon esprit! Je vais étudier.

      Paris est en effet assiégé, je suis tellement désolé, mais en Dieu il y a toujours de la force et une lumière à la fin, mais le voyage est difficile.Chaque pays est maintenant soumis aux conflits civils, y compris aux États-Unis, mais il y a un refuge et ce refuge est l’HOPE indéniable.

      Sans espoir, il n’y a pas de paix.

      la grace, Helena

  5. Very interesting writing. I came across your blog whilst reading an NPR story about why Africans drown. (I learned that it was because they are stupid.) Searching for the African Development Bank and adding Soros to the search led me to you. Keep up the good work and thanks for the TRUTH.

  6. Came across your blog via Ina Vukic. Your bio sounds very interesting and hardly “privileged”. But I guess certain people get to make that call by the divine providence of their demigod George Soros. 🙂 Looking forward to reading more of your stuff!

  7. Hi

    You write with no guile. It is rare to find a person with nothing to hide online. I am proud of you without even knowing you. The ability to communicate without fear shines through. It is Franklin-esque. Millions sensed that in his work. It is also in yours.

  8. You are an astoundingly bigoted, ill-informed, privileged rich white woman who has no sense of what it’s like to be in the world outside your boat in Sausalito or your cosseted world in Colorado. Imagine what it feels like NOT to be white, blond and rich, why don’t you try? If you are truly an evangelical, perhaps you should consider what it means to have real compassion and kindness towards those who haven’t led your charmed life. Why people like you think you get to support Donald Trump without actually lifting a finger to make this country better is beyond me. Keep making your bronze sculpture. I’m sure it’s lovely. and I’m sure you’re a better artist than political analyst. Which is not to much.

    • Beth Cooper – given your picture is empty, I would gather you are a troll. However, I will respond anyway.

      You are making defamatory statements based on a short fun bio that provides a snapshot into me without having the decency, respect or integrity to actually have a clue who I am or what I do outside of blogging and art. A short-sighted perspective is really no perspective at all and simply ingratiates yourself as a bitter, hate filled racist. I’m sure I have lifted more fingers than you can count… Unfortunately, you are simply revealing the same insanity that plagues the Liberal agenda and exposes a sad,sad hypocrisy. What have you done? Please share.

  9. I found your site simply by google searching a half dozen Hollywood names to see what they had in common and your site was at the top of the search. I read through some of your other posts and enjoyed them very much. I look forward to reading more (old & new). Thanks for sharing. KC

    • That’s interesting! Were they interested in her art or political commentary? If the latter, they’re VERY special denizens of Hollywood.

  10. Nice story Helena. I lived in West Germany when my father served in the Air Force.
    Interesting variety of topics you cover. I’m in an honors marketing program in my college. Perhaps you will find it interesting.

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